we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
