I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
