i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
