You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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