look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
