I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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