I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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