Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
my liver is dry heaving
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
