she smelled like a LAN party
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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