Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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