one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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