"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
