idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
