I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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