Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
