she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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