Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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