I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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