its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
