I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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