1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
