if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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