would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
