I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
