I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
