If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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