Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
