I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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