why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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