Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
