My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
