I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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