i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
