i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
