yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
