so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
