booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
