speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
