you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
