Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
