I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
