Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
