Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
