You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize