FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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