Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
