Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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