1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
