Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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