dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
