don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
