He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
