pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
