I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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