i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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