he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
