There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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