so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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