So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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