No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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