I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
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