My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
