This is not my ceiling
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you made out with another girl for some wings
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
