If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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