I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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