Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
