What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
