He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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