People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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