you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
