I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
