Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
