What a fucking waste of an outfit
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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