so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
