you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
